Prescription for Happy Marriages
During my practice in Bombay as the Sex-consultant in the famous clinic in Colaba Area in the year 1966-1968, my prescription for the happy marriages was very popular. Couples of all sorts from far distant places came enthusiacally to collect the special healing doses for their ailing married lives.
All had some different types of issues leading to quarrels and disputes. Some were not very serious and that were sorted out by friends or elders. But some were to extremes leading to separation. Some newly married couples were also involved. The others at the grown up age or after more than ten years of married life differed at some points and asked for divorces. Mis-understandings leading to grudges, anger and hatred played an important role in the disputes.
I prescribed them with the full dose of advice on the mutual understanding, true love, trust in each other and ready-ness to sacrifice for each other. It worked miracally to the surprise of many. But some did not…They needed some extra doses. I spent some extra time for such couples and tried all good means possible to bring them in order.
No medicine, no course, no exercise nor any diet control was required apart from the above given doses on regular bases. It was only the dose of true understandings and the peaceful mental attitudes with totally positive thoughts in the daily family life. After all what was the idea behind the marriage? Surely it was not the sex only. If in reality one has to get married just for sex, he or she would hardly commit themselves as such as one can get any type of sex even without the marriage. No doubt, sex is an essential part of the happy married life; it should never be the master.
I convinced them to sit together in my presence then and thereafter themselves as and when required to discuss, analysis the problems bothering them and finding the right and the peaceful solution suitable to both. I encouraged them to be very frank and honest and find the way out in most of the problems puncturing their safe family life drive.
They should never make the heap of the problems but try to discuss and sort out amicably as they crop up. No grudges and ill feelings with each other as both of them have committed and ceremonised to be one in the presence of the representative of the Almighty God during the weddings. They should never forget that they have officially agreed to stay as bonafide husband and wife to the end and no misunderstandings or ill feelings could separate them in thick and thin. Some jerks or hindrances may disturb their happy life line but they could be trespassed with good understandings.
They should discuss the matter arising to a good standard but never argue over the workable matter. Even if the circumstances compelled for arguments, it should be never one sided and with no ill feeling towards each other. In all respects both of them should respect the status of each other as they have vowed to be life partners in thick and thin.
Try to understand each other by putting one in another’s shoes and issues will be sorted out easier that way. Both should have the intention and willingness to be of help to each other and at no events either of them should try to be hindrance to the other even by mistake. A single difference or mis-understanding should never get an opportunity to multiply at any event. Wipe out the differences as they crop up before they grow up to be a tree from the seedling. Wise people do that and why can’t we?
None of them should try to blame the other for the problem arising but they should sit together and put heads together and try to find out the possible peaceful solution without ever insulting or blaming each other.
A very long list of the clients of various categories overflowed with the secretary on my reception. People from the grades of officers, business-men, industrialists, professionals [Doctors, Advocates, writers, professors etc.] politicians and film-artists booked their appointments to find the right solution to their scattered or damaged married-lives. The clients varied from the newly married couples to the stage of old-aged, where sex had no part to play anymore. Mostly all of them were well educated and from the civilized society.
Although sex played the major role in the married life in the beginning and differences and grudges might crop up when one partner is not satisfied in bed with the other. Or if one partner forces the other to serve sex, not to the toleration to the other. They should very frankly discuss and talk about sex and the sexual requirements of each other as and when required. They should try to co-operate fully in the bed during sexual game. Differences and grudges grown in the bed should never be allowed to rise up in daily life activities. Sexual shortages should be sorted out very amicably and frankly between each other and compromised without ever giving the way out to scratches in family life. If at all there is a dispute because of the sexual deficit in one partner, the other partner should try to co-operate with the matter willingly without any grudges.
Again both the partners have their own choice and taste of sexual intercourse and if not discussed as and when required, it creates a deep crack in the smooth structure of family life. Sexual interests and needs should be openly discussed and agreed between the couple. The time and duration should be compromised and by doing so you have insured your married life comprehensively. “Anytime SEX” Should be settled at “Agreed time Sex” and the charm of sex would last until the later age.
So please don’t overlook the sexual relation which perhaps is the most essential part of the family life. No third person would come to sort out the differences emerged from it. No couple would ever wish to open up the sexual matter to a third person, perhaps the consultant.
Not all can either make it until the last moment when the happy union is on the verge of breaking. There have been several cases where the couples start quarrelling without their knowledge only because one of the partners is not happy with the sexual technique and requirement of the other. The quarrels resulting in disputes leading to separation are also noted through the sexual differences.
There are husbands who had been praising the beautiful wives in the beginning of the new life and come to despise them after few years just because of their unsatisfied sexual needs. There are wives who very much appreciate their husbands while newly married but start abusing them and quarrel with them in minor issues just because their unsatisfied sexual desire.
A beautiful woman might not prove to be a good bed-partner. A very smart and attractive HE looking man might prove a failure in the sexual game with his wife. Thus a very highly acclaimed physical love comes down not very long.
This happens just because of the circumstances and the physical conditions of one of the partners. Both the partners at this juncture should have good understandings and try to adjust themselves to the physical conditions of one-another.
Sex should never be a hindrance or the culprit in the differences in the married life. In no circumstances the couple should go to the extremes of separation due to the excuse of sexual deficiency. Sexual deficits should be cured and solved but should not be the cause of differences among the couples.
I have dealt with several problems of such type and I have also heard of several separations because of the said matter. It could be adjusted as per need of each other. If any one of the partners has deficiency, he or she should take the proper medical treatment for the same without any delay.
My treatment worked very positively for the healing of minor or major marital abrasions and it was a sure prescription to keep any marriage healthy and successful. It served as the first aid kit for all the injured married couples regardless of color, race, status or religion.
Even the differences cropped up from the inter-caste marriages were brought to a peaceful compromise. The cases of un-matched couples were healed to a turning of a lovable atmosphere.
The major consistent of my prescription was the message of true love, which is the accurate estimate, and supply of each other’s need. Although it didn’t work overnight, the amazing results were in waiting. The couples who had a stock of patience and really needed peace in their family life were pleased with the blessing atmosphere. The persons with the difference of opinions could easily compromise as far as the married life was concerned. They all very well came to realize that we all start out in marriage as consumers of love and not suppliers.
The married life without eligible communication or frank discussion can’t survive for long. Now and again one partner has valid grievances, but the other is too busy voicing complains of his or her own to listen. At this very juncture, one should try to listen to other instead of shouting at. Sometimes both start shouting at each other and nobody is listening to anyone. There could be no compromise under such circumstances. Instead, there are all chances of worsening the situation.
A woman should stop complaining about her husband now and then. She should not expect miracles from her husband and instead should wish to make him happy by planning a peaceful and lovable family life. She should offer her compromising hand instead of rebelling at events. She should always be aware of the fact that she is a life partner in the family affairs and more over she is a better half of the person she has married. She should in all circumstances try to prove herself BETTER in family life…
She should plan and spend according to the income of her husband. She should never try to imitate the freehanded ladies and those with higher income…She should be willingly contempt with what is offered by her husband. Her husband should be the best person in her life style and should never be tempted towards a more influenced person.
She will be amazed to see the flood of happiness coming back. She should avoid arguing or disputing with the husband without a special purpose. She should respect the husband and always speak positive of him. By doing so, she has already invited Heaven in her home.
She should at all events try to stay as a good house-wife even during the event of her working. She should never try to over-rule her husband but if needed she should advise him very politely and humbly without any personal ego.
A man should give his wife the love of his entire heart. He must trust her at most events and appreciate her so much that she has no chance to become an unfaithful wife. A word of praise is the most effective tonic for the healthy family life. Praise the wife from top to bottom. Praise her wardrobes, praise her kitchen work, praise her care of the house, praise her dress, her hairstyle and don’t forget to praise her parent’s family.
Never speak badly about her parental family. Go with her to her parent’s house at events and behave nicely and friendly with the in laws. If you can afford, take gifts for the mother-in-law or wife’s sister at events. Try to sort out certain issues of your capacity in the family of your in laws. If you are well to do person, try to help your in law members financially at events. Your wife would be very happy you doing so and she would love to treat you like a boss in the house. She will surely take care, not to annoy you as far as possible…
On the other hand, a wife should treat the parents of her husband as her parents and take proper care of them as and where required. She should maintain good relation with most of the relatives of her husband whom she should take as her relatives in daily life. She should respect and take care of her husband’s sister at all events which will surely make the husband very happy.
A good wife should never treat her paternal relatives with more care and respect than the relatives of her husband. She should love and respect the entire family of her husband and try to stay as the main member of the family by taking major responsibilities of the family affairs.
Husbands|…… Never praise any other woman in the presence of your wife and especially the woman in your relation or in the circle. No wife likes her husband to appreciate the other woman but only her. She should always think that she is the BEST WOMAN in your life. Be a faithful husband and stay away from the flirting woman. Surely, by doing so, you are securing good assets in your life to come.
A small gift on the occasions and a loving letter or a telephone call when you are out of the area, will serve as the soothing tablets for your wife who is a bit worried when you are out.
Wish her the many happy returns of the day during her birthday or your marriage- anniversary with a special gift of her choice and that would surely win her heart. She will long for the next occasion with great enthuse and will always maintain loving atmosphere in the house at least some days before and after the occasions. It is not a bad deal at all-surely not in loss.
The same wife who hesitated to bring a cup of tea for you will treat you like a King in your house to your amazement when you returned home tired from your office. You will be received with a good smiling face at all events when you reach home. She will be happy preparing delicious dishes of your taste. And you will be served in a better way than the Star Hotel.
A good-bye kiss in the morning when one goes out and the welcome kiss while coming back will not allow differences or grudges to settle. Serving the husband on his arrival from work with a good cup of coffee or a tea, or snacks with a smiling face would not allow a puncture in the smooth happy life. The ladies who welcome their hubbies with a smiling face and try to pour all the love of the day when the husband comes home tired or bored from the place of work, have won the field of married life.
Assisting the hub to remove shoes or coat and prepare his bathroom when he needs to take bath while you prepare a delicious snacks for him as he comes from the place of work, is a sure plus point to the amendment of small scratches which might have occurred in his thoughts during daytime.
The good husband should never act according to the physical beauty of his wife. He should never be mad after a pretty wife. Nor should he go to the extremes to despise or hate the NOT BEAUTIFUL WIFE. He should at all events look at her beauty of nature and character which is the everlasting media in family life. He should neither abuse nor mis-treat the wife just because she is not properly educated. An educated wife is not always the understanding life partner. Little educated wife at major events is more social and compromising partner in the married life.
On the other hand the beautiful woman or a graduate wife should never try to rule her hub just because she has her plus points in the field. A good wife should never try to rule her husband in social renderances and should try to avoid her husband to be known as “Hand-packed Husband”. She should in all circumstances try to stay as a good queen of a ruler King. The personal ego should never be a point of a black spot in the milky atmosphere of the family life.
To master and weigh the tastes, thoughts, temper and feelings of each other is equally important to sail the family boat with ease. One should always be ready to give up where the chances of the disputes are seen and it will save the bitterness in the smooth life.
A wife should never be suspicious about her husband’s social relations with the other women at work or at other sectors. Nor should the husband keep check over the males meeting her wife on certain occasions or at work place. Both should allow each other the required and limited freedom with the other sex as and when required. Absolute trust should be maintained mostly at all events.
Believe me; under the circumstances no body would try to betray each other. Both the partners as such should maintain trust. It would save the breakage of married life.
A woman should never be forced to bear a child. Nor should she be forced to adopt a particular type of birth-control devices. Neither a woman should ignore or overlook the wish of the husband in these sectors. Parenthood should be a welcome event for both. They should put heads together for the well being and future of the child. Family planning should be an agreeable factor and no dictatorship in the matter will allow the family life to survive with peace.
The most effective and the welknown prescription for the best awarded happy marriages is the permanent dose of praying together once in a day and if possible at night before sleeping hours. If possible maintain a small prayer room in the house. Believe FIRMLY in God and pray HIM in the same tune for the same purpose for the same duration. There is no illness on this earth, which will deny healing when the praying formula is applied. The prayers will take care of the grudges, the differences, the hatrate, the mis-understandings and all the shortcomings in the happy married life
One needs no doctor, no consultant, no counsellor, no mediator or no advisor for the smooth maintenance of your family life only if you try to understand it in the right tune. The prescription and the medicines are with you, within yourself with enough stock. The place of your residence will be a heaven where angels would wish to be born. The children born under such circumstances will surely turn out to be the honest, brilliant and popular leaders of tomorrow. They may surely turn out to be very social, lovable and example setting personals of the civilized society
A happy couple will not only reap the crop of success, unity, peace and prosperity but would lead the several couples in their surroundings to follow in their foot steps and build a strong and united society in the long run.
Every one would like to lead a happy and peaceful family life but one should try to follow the said rules which are to his or her capability.