The Stolen Marriage
It was noon when the telephone disturbed me during my lunch break.
‘I am sorry to disturb you at this time sir, but it is very important, I am Rose and I have a serious problem. I want you to help me”.
A sharp and depressed voice was heard from the other side.
“That’s all right… What is it?
I responded very politely.
“It is about our stolen marriage sir”
“What do you mean by stolen marriage, Rose?”
“I live with Patrick. We love each other very much. But we are not yet legally married. I think and believe that we should get married and then stay together. Patrick thinks the other way. He does not see the importance of marriage. To him the legal act of the wedding is mere formality. He considers the marriage certificate to be unimportant piece of paper which one can get any day or may be not at all. According to him, love is more important”
“Try to convince him and explain to him the importance of the marriage in that case. In any way marriage is more important than anything, if you want to stay together.”
I advised the girl Rose on telephone accordingly.
“He suggests that we live together for a while in order to see whether we fit together or not.”
“What if you don’t fit together”?
“According to him, if we come to the conclusion that we don’t fit together then we can separate without ever going for a divorce. It is easier that way, he thinks”.
“How do you take it?”
“I think, marriage can’t be tasted in that way. That type of relationship is unhealthy and not safe as far as I am concerned”.
“You are right Rose. In the Hindu culture a girl who has her virginity broken has very little chance of getting married. And if a girl becomes pregnant, in such a relationship she is at a great disadvantage. In that case the life would be very difficult for her if the said person denies marrying her.
Otherwise a hurried and forced marriage may take place. Such marriage may end in failure later on when the reality is exposed.”
“I am safe in that sense as we use contraceptives to avoid pregnancy.”
“Contraceptives are not the solution.” I told her.
“Certain contraceptive methods are a hazard to the maintenance of true love. They are not advisable in premarital situations when you have still to understand one another’s feelings”.
Rose was very anxious to know further.
“When love is lacking, sex and the marriage fall apart. If there has been a marriage as in your case, then love and sex become hostile to each other bringing broken relationship”.
“But Sir, we love each other so deeply that we can’t live without each other for long”.
She tried to convince me of her decision.
“That is a love born of sex. It is the lust of physical charm which attracts each of you towards the other. When physical charm evaporates and sexual lust is not satisfied, there is every possibility of not enjoying another partner’s presence.
Love is born through the heart, not through physical attraction. Love based upon physical charm will never last long. No one has ever fallen in true love with an ugly woman or a crippled person in the true sense. Hardly any man would love a woman who is unable to give him sexual satisfaction and that is nothing but the whole truth. Have you heard of it?”
“There is sense in your talk, sir: please go on.”
“Let me give you an illustration of a stolen marriage for
“Please do so. I shall be obliged to listen”.
“A young couple in America was living together happily. It was learnt after a few months that they were not married. Friends and relatives advised them to marry. But they refused. They were proud of their love which they said did not require marriage. They enjoyed all the delights of life as a husband and a wife would do.
They went as far as saying that they were much happier than most married couples and they found no reason to bond each other with marriage.
Unfortunately, the young woman became sick. The love and confidence between them was not deep enough for them to discuss the matter frankly as a husband and wife. The girl was afraid that if her partner knew her sickness, he would leave her.
Thinking this, she decided to have medical treatment secretly. But it did not work as expected. She was suffering from breast cancer.
The doctor advised her to have an operation before it was too late. She could not hide it any more from her partner. When she lay exhausted on the bed, he came home from work and learned the situation. He neither kissed her as usual nor did he speak to her. No more,” My darling Rose”
Silence reigned. They had nothing to say to each other any more. The alluring welcome with a sweet kiss and a sexual caress was not there and so the much talked love seemed to be dead.
Love had no chance to prove its durability. Sex became the death of love. The young man left the exhausted girl alone and never came back to look after her, when he learnt the truth. What would he do with a sick body when he was only interested in sexual need?
The situation would not have been the same, for the married couple. A husband would have sympathized with his wife for suffering and tried to find a cure for her. Do you hear me madam? He would have struggled to the last to save his wife with the help of his relatives and friends”.
“Oh my God! Does it really happen like that with all stolen marriages, Sir? “
‘‘I should not say all, but yes with most of them. Stolen marriages are ill-based. Sooner or later there is a break up ‘’
“Should I leave Patrick immediately and try to settle with somebody else who is ready to marry with me legally?”
The young woman changed her tone.
“No… not so hurriedly… Convince Patrick to come with you to my office any day in the evening hours and I hope he will come to the point. If he is still unwilling, then you may take your step without any regret ‘’.
“Oh … How nice of you Sir. Thank you indeed for a great advice”….
I gave an inward sigh of relief when I settled the telephone receiver in its place, with confidence that the stolen marriage could be converted to a happy marriage. And so I did when Patrick agreed to marry Rose in the presence of relatives and friends after listening to my advice