Never Avoid Sex in Married life
Shanta was 34 years of age and had been married to a 38 year old teacher Jay for 12 years. There was no doubting over their love for each other. Shanta and Jay was a hard working couple and earned enough to provide a happy life together. They had two children, a boy of 10 and a girl aged 8, both in boarding school.
Shanta and Jay enjoyed their leisure time, going to public gardens, the cinema, going out to dinner and taking holiday tours. Until ten years time, their marriage was perfect. Gradually, they have been drifting apart, and for the last two years they have not been on good terms.
Probing deeply into the matter, it was found that Shanta did not like sex and avoided having intercourse with Jay, who was very fond of sex and found their relationship to be incomplete without it.
For some time, Jay had been snapping at Shanta and losing his temper. He began to quarrel with her over minor issues and had even spoken of them living apart. Shanta was heartbroken and said she could not understand his attitude, but she was also well aware that she had denied him sex for no valid reason, other than not liking it. That was where the trouble between them started. She wanted Jay to stop asking her for sex merely because she had decided she didn’t like it, and not because of any physical ailment.
Shanta needed to understand as well as tolerate her husband’s desires. She needed reminding that people get married mainly for companionship and sex, and to produce a family. Jay was fond of sex with his wife, which was his right. His wife had no physical problems to interfere with their sex life and to say that she just didn’t like it at present was completely unjustifiable. Perhaps she was fulfilling her ego by doing so and ignoring Jay on the other side. It could have been alright and understandable if she was sick or if she had any problem with any of her sexual organs.
She did not seem to understand that sex was extremely important for most men, and Jay was no exception. So Shanta, by refusing him sex, was cutting at the very root of his manhood and self confidence. It was a total setback to their family life. Indirectly, she was encouraging Jay to go for another woman if he was in a real need of sex. That was not good at all.
Shanta needed a counseller to tell her that her negative attitude towards sex without any particular reason was very unusual and lacking common sense. It seemed she had developed revulsion of sex due to a past experience and it had built up into a big issue for her.
The counselor treating Shanta said that refusal by a wife to have sex over a long period of time amounted to mental cruelty and it may turn out to be grounds for a separation- if not separation; it encourages a man looking for outside sex. On the other side of the issue, there were all possibilities of Shanta’s behaviour to result in divorce.
With careful counselling, Shanta understood where and why she was wrong and agreed that Jay was not to blame. It was a good thing he had not been unfaithful because, in the circumstances, there was every chance that he might have gone looking elsewhere for sex. Adultery becomes an easy entrant during such circumstances.
Although sex should not be the sole ruler in the family life it is not advisable to avoid it without any particular reason. In times of need or under the tense circumstances one of the partners has to avoid or do without sex for the benefits of the other. It is human. But to ignore sex to a life partner without any particular valid reason is surely the set back in the married life.
Sex is a good tonic in the married life. It maintains friendly relation between the couple. Minor issues and differences are sorted our through sex. Timely sex is a good entertainment in the married life. It helps the users being active and more productive in daily work. It also helps to maintain good health.